This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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