Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need to sanitize my soul.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
