There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
