She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
