I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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