We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
