I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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