Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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