I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
