yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
