Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
