when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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