No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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