my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
