Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
