I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
