I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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