took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love having hate sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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