I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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