the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
