Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
