Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
