I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
