im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
