I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He passed out mid-signature
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
