I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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