I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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