ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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