I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's blow job season.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
