JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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