had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
