Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
