I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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