Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you would pick up someone in the library
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found puke in my bra..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
