Already got asked if we're dating
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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