i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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