it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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