i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
