this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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