I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
