I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
