the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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