I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
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WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she told me i tasted like america
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.