I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?