This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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