census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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