hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
