PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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