Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
