she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
