JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
