Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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