I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
