The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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