yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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