i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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