Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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