You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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