Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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