Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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