I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
