you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
