STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
