i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
