I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
