i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
