"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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